For many months, the invitational aspect of joy, marveling at his attributes, delighting in his providential care, and letting creation reveal God’s majesty remained hidden from me. I’ve learned that these four elements are not just ways we should feel when we praise the Lord, they can also be portals to usher us into times of heartfelt worship.
When our county went into lock-down, I gradually felt disoriented. For a month, I couldn’t engage with the Lord in my normal ways. I found nature’s beauty and art were my saving graces. Why was this? Why, when we are overwhelmed with uncertainty and ambiguous losses, or feeling the dampening impact of anxiety, or despair, do our daily devotions become dead at just the moment we need them the most to experience the comfort and care of the Lord? It’s so frustrating!
In my disorientation, I was compelled to follow the beauty I found in nature and the Arts to enter into devotion.
Bible reading, Bible study, reading my favorite books, and prayer just wouldn’t engage me.
I learned from Dr. Henry Cloud that my mind was probably overwhelmed; I was in the fog of grief. I needed to rely on my heart but this was new for me. The psalmists tell us to worship the Lord with joy (Psalm 100:2-3). In the fog, my voice could sing a song, but my heart wasn’t in it. And worship is supposed to be my external expression of my internal devotion. I was experiencing a serious disconnect.
A godly spiritual director once shared with us, “We have to engage with God as we can, not as we can’t.” Actually, what choice do we have? We have the record of many followers of Jesus who have experienced this disconnect. Perhaps it is St. John of the Cross’ “dark night.” We can’t will ourselves into worshiping with heartfelt devotion.
We simply have to do what we can, not what we can’t. And wait.
What I have learned is, my best way to feel a closeness with God is through enjoying what I love. But, I didn’t feel comfortable that this was really biblical. Is it right to spend my quiet time looking at an old portrait I love of my children? As I looked at their innocence, I felt love well up. I was brought to tears with gratitude that the Lord blessed me with them. My spiritual director surprised me when she called it my prayer.
When my mind was overwhelmed, my heart could find joy in the sunrise, the songs of birds, or the delights of a vase of sunflowers, but not in reading the Scripture or praying for people on my prayer list. I came to deeply value connecting with God through what brought me joy. My devotional time felt heart-to-heart, a drawing near and being deeply grateful. I was enjoying God’s goodness and his beauty displayed in his creation and receiving his gifts as the gifts he was giving to me personally.
Each morning I asked myself: How is the Spirit inviting me to enjoy him? What do I feel like doing during my devotions?
My heart led me into times of beautiful communing with God. Some mornings I stood at my window appreciating the beauty of color as the first light of dawn brought the slightest tinge of green to the horizon. It was just lovely to watch the gradual bowing of the earth to the rising of the sun, clouds transforming from grays to every shade of cotton candy, then watch as brilliance burst over the hills. Every morning was a new display of God’s beauty giving light and warmth. I marveled at the sunlight coming 93 million miles, through my window, to me, reaching me where I stood watching, warming my skin. Perhaps David was watching out his window when he marveled:
The heavens declare the glory of God
The skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day to day they pour forth speech
Night after night they reveal knowledge
They have no speech, they use no words
No sound is heard from them
Yet their voice goes out to the ends of the earth
Their words to the end of the world
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun
It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
Like a champion rejoicing to run his course
It rises at one end of the heavens
And makes its circuit to the other
Nothing is deprived of its warmth.
As we marvel and delight our senses with nature (enjoying a beautiful dawn), its beauty leads our hearts to worship with deep devotion and awe. We commune with our Maker.
Devotional Activity
Read Psalm 19:1-6 a few times. You may want to copy a few verses into your Book.
The heavens declare the glory of God
The skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day to day they pour forth speech
Night after night they reveal knowledge
They have no speech, they use no words
No sound is heard from them
Yet their voice goes out to the ends of the earth
Their words to the end of the world
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun
It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
Like a champion rejoicing to run his course
It rises at one end of the heavens
And makes its circuit to the other
Nothing is deprived of its warmth.